currently

completing their PhD at the Stanford AI Lab,
supported by the Open Philanthropy AI Fellowship
+ the PD Soros Fellowship for New Americans.

Quixotic

She was pretty
Damn tying knots around your core, holding the leash, cartwheeling away, not noticing when you say
when you whisper, into her arm in candle wax, I think I might love you
Oversized eyes, cocky asymmetrical smile, fingers that danced when she spoke without her noticing — her not noticing — are you noticing a trend?

She was pretty. I’m pretty.
but US was — I don’t want to say ugly — so intense.
She was the lines of E.E. Cummings I was always trying to make sense of
She was capital Don Q quixotic, I mean, I don’t really mean what that word really means, I mean she was always a quiz, never an answer, doesn’t that feel like what quixotic should mean?
but quixotic doesn’t mean quiz-otic, it doesn’t mean her, it means me.

I was capital Don Q quixotic, believing we were not impossible, believing we made sense.
But we didn’t make sense, we made rubble.
We made a few cents to the dollar, a few laughing freeze frames to every hour of destruction,
you always testing the limits of our structure
because if I really loved
I would stay
even when you wanted to slay
the dragons you keep inside your arm,
even when, especially when,
the only way to fight invisible dragons is with a flame as caustic as the one they breathe
— and I stayed.
Don’t tell me I wandered away. Don’t tell me it’s okay that I left
as if I didn’t stand in one place, asking my eyes to soak up my tears
and my love to soak up my fear

How can no one See me

caving inward every instinct
my body has to keep me alive
i’m shrinking

but maybe that’s okay
because maybe baby I’m already small, and maybe if I get small enough, you’ll drop me in that pocket of yours
that pocket tee pocket of yours
and carry me away
miss dragon, maybe you can be my dragon,
no, that’s not right
~maybe I can be your human?

your dragon magic was making me shrink all the way down to tiny
so i hid from you in my sister’s unmade bed
and when I opened my eyes, the sun was rising
and my limbs were un-shrinking
alone, I was unshrinking

now you’re off doing dragon things again
you want me to come
so desperately insensitively instinctively insensitively want me to come
but I’m hidden by space and time zones
we are impossibility
you are a dragon, and I am growing back into me.